Solitary Woman

Time just flies - and suddenly you look up and realise you're married to yourself.  

It's fun in the follies of youth, the freedom is liberating. Years pass unnoticed.

Now self-actualised, retired, in the autumn of your life, perhaps late autumn, you find yourself not only alone, but having difficulty meeting-up with a friend or two. Not even before lockdown from Covid-19. Most of the time, you hardly hear from anyone unless you keep in touch first. Why? Not their fault. Friends are busy with their own families, with their jobs (some opt to hang on to jobs beyond retirement age from lack of financial instability). Even so, loved ones and good friends gone one by one - either separated by physical distance, divorce, or death. You find yourself alone, none available over a cuppa for that needed unwinding. 

One day, you feel unwell, you writhe in pain in the middle of the night - you don't know who to call for help. The same scene happens few times. Now that is pitting you against the wall. You've gone too far of your singledom. 

You've been single a long time, solitary woman. 

All your adultlife, you love the independence, the freedom not to worry about stifling relationships, focus on career, your identity intact. One day, you realise you've become "too single". You socialise, join interest groups, hoping to find someone with common interests, not necessarily in mind to start any serious relationship but for good friendships. It's never the same. 

At this point in time, the autumn of your life, most people you meet have their own established social groups, close-knit family circles. You join them for awhile, few weeks, few months. Inevitably, you yearn for the old freedoms. You either feel out of place -  circles with partners, with children, or hordes of relatives in tow. Topics of discussion not really your interest.  You realise you're better off alone, despite your desperation not to be alone.    

The time has come. It's getting late in the autumn of your life. Time to stop wearing blinders, to consider other possibilities. But what? Only time will tell.   

Listening pleasure: 

"Solitary Woman", composed by Ralph Towner, played by Francois Drouin.  YouTube, Accessed July 11, 2021.     

(c) July 2021. Tel. Leaves from my Musings. All rights reserved.